MJ

started self harming

suffering regular flashbacks of my abusive past

feeling isolated by my friends

wish my ex was here because he understands how i feel but i dont want to turn to him for help because he has moved on

my current boyfriend is amazing but so clueless as to what i need or want even though i try to reach out

half my family currently hate me because im the only rational person accepting that my grandma is terminally sick whilst they just call me negative and draining

nobody in my life at this moment understands how bad things are in my head so im just misunderstood for being a pessimist when im genuinely crumbling and all people expect from me is to pretend to be happy to cheer up and help everyone else

but nobody is helping me

my anxiety eg fiddling, mumbling, gripping onto my own fingers/arms/wrists and scratching my thighs has progressed into sitting in silence, struggling to breathe with a horrible achy cry feeling in my throat and scratching my thighs until they swell and mark and throb

my depression eg my bad thoughts, the constant self criticism, the numbness has progressed into writing goodbye letters, isolating myself from my partner, family and friends and having a box of opened medication sitting in a box in the corner of my room waiting for the inevitable day/morning/evening to come where its finally too much